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April 2007 - Dealing with Difficult People:
Workplace Jerks
- Tips for Victims of Workplace Jerks
- Dirty Dozen
- Resources (links, books, articles, the lighter side)
Dealing
with Difficult People: Workplace Jerks
For our occasional series on Dealing with Difficult People, this month our guest author talks about a problem in far too many workplaces — workplace jerks — with tips for dealing with them. We are very pleased to see some movement in the U.S. to recognizing that unhealthy workplaces are more than just "the way it is." — they can do serious damage to people's physical health in addition to their emotional and psychological health. The U.K. is far ahead of the U.S. in acknowledging the challenges in this area and in working to make their workplaces healthier.
Tips for Victims of Workplace Jerks
by Robert I. Sutton, Professor,
Stanford University
I’ve spent much of the last few years thinking about how what it takes to sustain a humane workplace and how employees who are stuck with nasty bosses and peers can deal with their predicament. I’ve developed these ideas in my new book and I continue to develop these ideas (using both research and the stories and advice that I hear) on my blog.
I’ve been asked a lot of questions lately about the best way to survive a nasty workplace or boss. Here are some of my top tips for victims of workplace jerks. Before I get to the rest of the tips, one is in a class by itself:
THE BIGGEST AND BEST LESSON: ESCAPE IF YOU POSSIBLY CAN
. The best thing to do if you are stuck under thumb of an jerk (or a bunch of them) is to get out as fast as you can.You are at great risk of suffering personal damage and of turning into an jerk yourself. Acting like a jerk isn’t just something that a few twisted people are born with; it is a contagious disease. But escape isn’t always possible; as one woman wrote me, "I have to feed my family and pay my mortgage, and there aren’t a lot of jobs that pay well enough to do that around here."
So here are my top tips for coping with workplace jerks that you can’t escape (at least for now):
1. Start with polite confrontation.
An office worker wrote me that her boss was "a major jerk" (he was a former army major, who was infamous for his nastiness). She found that "the major" left her alone after she gave him "a hard stare" and told him his behavior was "absolutely unacceptable and I simply won’t tolerate it." This is also pretty much what Ron Reagan (the late president’s son) told me on his radio show about how he dealt with jerks, as did a fashion model who described constructive ways to confront an jerk
2. If a bully keeps spewing venom at you, limit your contact with the creep as much as possible.
Recent research suggests that stand-up meetings are just as effective sit-down meetings, but are shorter; so try to meet places without chairs and avoid sitting down during meetings with jerks whenever possible – it limits your exposure to their abuse.
3. Find ways to enjoy "small wins" over jerks.
Exhibit one here is the radio producer who told me that she felt oppressed because her boss was constantly stealing her food — right off her desk. So she made some candy out of EX-Lax, the chocolate flavored laxative, and left it on her desk. As usual, he ate them without permission. When she told this thief what was in the candy, "he was not happy."
4. Practice indifference and emotional detachment – learn how not to let an
jerk touch your soul.
- Practice going through the motions without really caring.
- Don’t let their vicious words and deeds touch your soul: Learn to be comfortably numb until the day comes when you find a workplace that deserves your passion and full commitment.
5. Keep an jerk diary — carefully document what the
jerk does and when it happens.
Carefully document what the jerk does and when it happens. A government
employee wrote me a detailed email about how she used a diary to get rid of a
nasty, racist co-worker:
'I documented the many harmful things she did with dates and times.....basically I kept a Jerk Diary. I encouraged her other victims to do so too and these written and signed statements were presented to our supervisor. Our supervisors knew this worker was an jerk but didn’t really seem to be doing anything to stop her harmful behaviors until they received these statements. The jerk went on a mysterious leave that no supervisor was permitted to discuss and she never returned.’
Similarly, a salesman wrote me that he has been the top performer in his group until he got leukemia, but his performance slowed during chemotherapy. His supervisor called him every day to yell at him about how incompetent he was and then doubled the sick salesperson’s quota. The salesman eventually quit and found a better workplace, but apparently because he documented the abuse, his boss was demoted.
DIRTY DOZEN
Actions that workplace jerks use:
- Personal insults
- Invading one's personal territory
- Uninvited personal contact
- Threats and intimidation, both verbal and non-verbal
- Sarcastic jokes and teasing used as insult-delivery systems
- Withering e-mail flames
- Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims
- Public shaming or status-degradation rituals
- Rude interruptions
- Two-faced attacks
- Dirty looks
- Treating people as if they are invisible.
Author:
Robert I. Sutton, Professor, Management of Management Science &
Engineering, Stanford University, and author of The No Asshole Rule: Building
a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t (Warner, 2007). His
blog is www.bobsutton.net. Copyright Robert Sutton © 2007 all rights reserved.
Article used with permission of the author.
Note: we changed the word "A*****" to "jerk" for this article to make it easier to read and help our corporate readers avoid triggering their Internet content filters.
Internet Resources
- Robert Sutton home page www.bobsutton.net
- Take this quiz to make sure you are not the problem http://electricpulp.com/guykawasaki/arse/
- Send an ArseMail http://www.thenoassholerule.com/
- How to change the world http://blog.guykawasaki.com/2007/02/arse_the_asshho.html
- Success Factors (performance evaluation software) http://www.successfactors.com/performance-management-software/
- Q&A: How to cope with jerks at work http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=printArticleBasic&articleId=9005880
Books Disclosure:
We get a small commission for purchases made via links to Amazon.
-
The No Asshole Rule: Building
a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t. Robert Sutton.
Warner
Business Books, 2007. ISBN-10:
0446526568, ISBN-13:
978-0446526562 - Emotional Terrors in the Workplace: Protecting Your Business' Bottom Line--Emotional Continuity Management in the Workplace. Vali Hawkins Mitchell. Rothstein Associates Inc., 2004. ISBN-10: 1931332274, ISBN-13: 978-1931332279
Articles
Related newsletter articles:
July 2005 - Bullying in the
Workplace
September 2003 - Dealing with Difficult People (Recognizing & Working with
Personality Dragons)
March 1999 - Dealing with Difficult People
- Robert Sutton's original article & blog http://bobsutton.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/03/tips_for_victim.html
- Why Your Boss is Programmed to be a Dictator http://www.changethis.com/19.BossDictator
- How to handle workplace jerks http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0846/is_7_22/ai_97875668
- You're Dirt for Office Bulldozer: The Scoop on Handling Bullies; Experts say to get a bit tough when you're dealing with jerks http://www.bullybusters.org/press/orlando050901.html
- How to Survive a Bad Boss: Coping with the monster manager http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&articleId=107900
- Managing Mavericks: Are they treasured resources or pains in the neck? It may depend on your ability to channel their energy. http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&articleId=108540
- Are You a Scary Boss? http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&articleId=100166
- Jerks at work: :Book's coarse title starts drive to banish these office bozos http://www.azstarnet.com/sn/related/171892.php
- How to Deal With Jerks in the Workplace http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,258522,00.html
- The workplace perils of being a jerk and of being Mr. Nice Guy http://westallen.typepad.com/idealawg/2007/02/jerks_in_the_wo.html
- Marge's A****** Management Metric: Update http://bobsutton.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/03/marges_asshole_.html
Behavior Management tools based
on Marge's Management Metric system 
http://www.itstime.com/download/BehaviorMeterTools.pdf
The Lighter Side
- Readers share their favorite office pranks: Here are some ideas if you need to ‘get’ someone for April Fools’ day http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17874520/page/2/
About our resource links: We do not endorse or agree with all the beliefs in these links. We do keep an open mind about different viewpoints and respect the ability of our readers to decide for themselves what is useful.
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