February 2012 ~ Five Regrets of the Dying
- Resources (links, books, articles, the
lighter side)
Five
Regrets of the Dying
by Bronnie Ware
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who
had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I
was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I
learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some
changes were phenomenal.
Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected: denial, fear, anger,
remorse, more denial — and
eventually — acceptance.
Every single patient found their peace before they departed though. Every
one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do
differently, common themes surfaced again and again.
Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life
true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize
that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see
how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a
half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had
made or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the
way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late.
Health brings a freedom very few realize — until
they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed
their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.
Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older
generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.
All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on
the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it
is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating
more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities —
ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my
feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with
others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never
became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses
relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may
initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end
it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that
or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you
win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends
until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them
down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had
let golden friendships slip by over the years.
There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort
that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.
But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life
fall away.
People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. It
is not money or status that holds the true importance for them — they want to
get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually
though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task.
It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all
that remains in the final weeks — love and
relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end
that happiness is a choice.
They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’
of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical
lives.
Fear of change had them pretending to others and to themselves, that they
were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have
silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from
your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before
you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR
life.
Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose
honestly. Choose happiness.
—
Copyright © Bronnie Ware, all rights reserved. Used with permission of
the author.
About the Author: Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from
Australia who worked with dying people in their homes for several years.
Bronnie has recently released a full-length book titled The
Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.
It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed by the regrets of the
dying people she cared for.
For more information, please visit Bronnie official website at
www.bronnieware.com
or her blog at www.inspirationandchai.com.
Direct link to the article on her blog: http://inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
Books - Disclosure:
We get a small commission for purchases made via links to Amazon.
- The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly
Departing. Bronnie Ware. Balboa Press, 2011. ISBN-13:
978-1452502342
- If Only: How to Turn Regret into Opportunity. Neal Roese.
Broadway, 2005. ISBN-10:
0767915771
- Love Focused: Living Life to the Fullest. Bob Hughes, Judy
Hughes. Crossroads Publishing, 2008. ISBN-13:
978-098077209
- Going for the Max! 12 Principles for Living Life to the
Fullest. Max Cleland. Broadman & Holman, 2000. ISBN-13:
978-0805420210
- Notes from the Universe: New Perspectives from an Old Friend.
Mike Dooley. Atria Books/Beyond Words, 2007. ISBN-10:
1582701768
- The Hidden Messages in Water. Masaru Emoto. Beyond
Words, 2004. ISBN-13:
978-1582701141
- Excuses Begone!: How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking
Habits. Wayne Dyer. Hay House, 2011. ISBN-13:
978-1401922948
- The Power of Positive Thinking. Norman Vincent Peale.
Fireside, 2003. ISBN-13:
978-0743234801
- Everyday Positive Thinking. Louise Hay. Hay House,
2004. ISBN-13:
978-1401902957
- Infinite Possibilities: The Art of Living Your Dreams.
Mike Dooley. Atria Books/Beyond Words, 2010. ISBN-13:
978-1582702322
- Notes from the Universe: New Perspectives from an Old Friend.
Mike Dooley. Atria Books/Beyond Words, 2007. ISBN-10:
1582701768
- Transforming Your Dragons: Turning Personality Fear Patterns into
Personal Power. Jose Stevens. Bear & Co; (July 1994) ISBN:
1879181177
- Income Without a Job: Living Well Without a Paycheck. Michael
Jay Anthony, Barbara J. Taylor. Lulu.com,
2008 ISBN-13:
978-0-557-00377-8. Website: www.income-without-a-job.com.
Tap into your own creativity and use your full potential. Learn
how to see opportunities that others miss.
Related newsletter articles:
November 2011 ~ The Pinball Effect:
How to Create Happiness
April
2011 - Remembering What's Important
February 2011 - We Are All Connected
December 2010 - Optimism
June
/ July / August 2010 - Ancient Wisdom for Modern Times
June 2009 - Imagine a Vision and Make it Real
April 2009
- The Good News!
- Sometimes a laugh is the only weapon we have ... Roger Rabbit

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